his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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