I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
