dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
