My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I am available for nakedness
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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