so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
