i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
