last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
