i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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