I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
