I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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