True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
