I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Be still, my beating vagina.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize