Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
