you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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