I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
