toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize