Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
