I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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