my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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