Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's blow job season.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
