He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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