She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
