Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize