I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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