Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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