sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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