i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
