Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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