If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
