I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
