He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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