I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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