end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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