i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
being pregnant is like rehab
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Randomize
