That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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