someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You made out with two different species that night
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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