hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize