I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
