i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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