If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
