i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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