Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
