If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
