I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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