I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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