My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
