u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
