Me too!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
