Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize