the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
