Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Randomize
