why didn't you poke me back
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
