yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
