i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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