There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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