a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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