I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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