I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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