she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
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