Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
