3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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