I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize