My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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