dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
