dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
