i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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