so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize