Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
