She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
