Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize