i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
