Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
