Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
