i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
