So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
