8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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