Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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