Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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