Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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