We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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