everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just found a bag of teeth...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I believe in your delicious
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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