I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
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