If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
