Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
