Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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