Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
