i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
