Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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