You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
