i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Holy shit dude........stairs
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
