we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
how drunk are you?
Several
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
