Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My breasts were aching with rage.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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