shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
