Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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