Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
