I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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