awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
