I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
