Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
