Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize